What Engineers Do

Day: 23
Current Weight: 225.2 lb

I was sitting around wondering what excuse I can think up for not writing in a while. Then, I realized that if I didn’t care enough to write for a week, then who would care enough to read. So, the answer as to why I haven’t posted in a while is sheer laziness. There’s no school or work to blame it on so I’ll place the blame on how lazy I get. In the course of the week I got a new toy: a cheaply engineered stationary bike.

Let me explain the finer points of engineering. When there’s a problem, an engineer is the first to sit at a desk and figure out a solution. And when said solution has inherent problems in bringing it to fruition, then it is a poorly engineered design. In other words, I don’t think the people that designed the stationary bike I got took into account how awkward it was to assemble their product.

You would think they would have designed the stability base of the bike to be easily attached and bolted onto the body without having to move the entire unit too much. However, they figured it would be easier to have to bolt holes accessible only by turning the entire thing upside-down. This wouldn’t be a problem if the damned thing didn’t have a low center of gravity. So here I am, putting some hardcore yoga positions into practice while reaching for the hex key (an abomination in of itself) and screwing on the bolts. Let’s just say I’ll be wearing a cup next time I have to assemble something.

The whole ordeal left me exhausted, sweaty, and frankly I was too tired to jump on the bike and do any exercise at all. Luckily all that blood, sweat, and tears I put into the project got me to lose 1.5 pounds. However, everyday, since then, I have been jumping on that stationary bike and been losing about a pound a day. It should be a lesson to all of you would-be health nuts: Don’t cheap out on equipment.

As my sister said, “They didn’t know whether to make a seat for men or women, tried to satisfy both, and everyone loses.” Not to mention that the digital indicator and timer don’t work. Thankfully, enough of it works that I’m not going to lug it back to the sporting goods store. But who knows, maybe that’s another workout waiting to happen. One day, when I’m back to 180 lb, the masses will ask, “How did you do it?” And I shall reply, “The secret to my success is an unending supply of inept engineers.”

In honor of my new toy, please enjoy the aural pleasures of Queen. Disclaimer: The views of Queen do not necessarily reflect that of my own, chiefly those views of Star Wars, Frankenstein, and Superman.